Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Supreme Leaders and Supreme Wieners

The Captain's sidekick is The Speckster.  She's 18 pounds of Supreme Leader and knows it.  She's been a fuzzy little pain in the ass for 14+ years and runs the house.  You can't be the sharpest knife in the drawer and let a dog run your house, The Captain is fully aware of this, go ahead...point it out...he doesn't care.  He's got way sharper knives in the drawer at his pad, The Speckster and Mrs. Captain.  He'll let you put those two in order or sharpitude.  He sure as hell isn't gonna take a stab at it (pun intended).  Needless to say, they run the house and The Captain is comfortable with this, it's the only thing that keeps his universe in order.  Supreme Leaders, both of them.  The Captain, supreme follower.

So it is with great pleasure that this week he looks at Supreme Leaders.  The four legged version, specifically Dachshunds, and the 4 brain celled version, Kim Jong-Un.  Both dictatorial and and cuddly in their own way and both inspiring new funny t-shirt designs from Captain Leisure Tees this week.

Ok, maybe not both cuddly, but Kim Jong-Un looks sorta cuddly...kinda like that chunky toddler applying a death grip to your leg in the produce section.  "Hey! This ain't your momma's leg little fella, but grab away."  Baby fat always feels good against a comfortable pair of pants.  That's why Kim Jong-Un needs a wardrobe change, a comfortable Supreme Leader is a less violent one.  Ever see a dictator order a mass killing while wearing a velour jumpsuit?  Didn't think so.  Embargos, sanctions, veiled threats, actual threats?  Useless.  It's like the old saying goes, "Drop velour, not bombs."  Problem solved.

And here's our new t-shirt...

Ironically, dogs tend to get more agitated when wearing comfortable clothes.  A couple problems with dressing up dogs:  First, the kind of dog owners that dress up dogs are nuts (see: The Captain).  Second, dogs don't talk, so they can't tell us to stop.  But, they do know their next meal is coming from you which is the only reason they don't take your leg off from the knee down 5 seconds into you dressing them up like a barnyard animal.  They've never seen you feed them with one leg and they're not in a gambling mood today.  So, our fuzzy little pals endure the madness, embarrassment, humiliation and mocking from their peers knowing two things: 1)  It is only because of them that you will be able to walk to their food dish that evening and 2)  They will be taking a dump in the basement later tonight.

And here's a few new Dachshund t-shirts for all you doxie lovers out there...

So today's lesson is to keep your Supreme Leaders comfortable.  Nobody likes mass killings and dumps in the basement.  Messy.

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