Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Other Royal Family

Beware're not the only show in town anymore.

Being married to a cake decorator means a couple things.  One, she will come home after baking days smelling like.....the Captain can't explain it.  It's a combination of the best smell you've ever smelled combined with the worst.  It's sorta like those Febreze commercials.  The Captain feels like he's blindfolded in a low rent apartment knowing something isn't quite right but really hankering for a slab of cake.  Two, being married to a cake decorator means forced language immersion school.  Cakey lingo, you gotta speak it or you'll be as helpless as the time you tried to get a better price on that must have monkey paw door knocker at the market in Egypt.  Oh yeah, it happened.  The international language ain't love, it's $15 bucks is my final offer.

For those of you who don't know, Royal Icing is used all the friggin' time in decorating.  It's like MSG, you may not know what it is, but you've eaten it.  Here's what it looks like on one of the Captain's wife's cakes.

They don't call her the Evil Cake Genius for nothing.  She uses it for screenprinting and stenciling on cakes and cookies.  You can see more of her handiwork and cool decorating stencils and screens for sale at Gateaux, Inc's website.

Now, about that Royal Family.  The Captain only knows what he hears on T.V. and reads in magazines as he's waiting to buy groceries.  To sum up:  One's in the armed forces and likes to party, one's bald and looks like his dad and is married to a lady with a name straight outta some crappy Disney movie.  And there's an older woman who seems pretty nice and likes to skydive with James Bond.

Don't get the Captain wrong, they all seem like swell peeps.  Hell, he's even hung out with some of their guards as he and the Evil Cake Genius checked off every cheesy touristy picture they could on their trip to the land of the Royals.

But what about the other Royal Family?  The one that really matters.  The one used to help decorate, glue, print, pipe, stencil and make what the Captain's about to shove down his gullet look as sweet as it tastes....what about them?  Well, they now have their own coat of arms.

This Royal Family has a lot of catching up to do to be as overexposed as the original, so they've decided to sell out and offer this design on T-Shirts and Aprons. After a long selection process Captain Leisure Tees was chosen as their exclusive partner in this venture.  Needless to say, everybody in the Captain Leisure Tees family is honored and humbled.  Now if we can just get our PR firm to orchestrate and "accidental" release of some topless vacation photos or something, sales will really take off.  Ever seen a pastry bag topless?  Well, you're about to, just keep your eyes peeled next time you're checking out at the grocery store.

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